Marauder Nightmare
by Moony vs. Padfoot
Summary: Snape is forced to spend the summer at James Potter's house with the other 3 Marauders! Will he survive?
1. The Beginning

Marauder Nightmare

Chapter 1

Note: Padfoot did not write any of this. Moony did.

JK Rowling owns all HP characters.

Severus Snape was a young wizard who attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His parents were potion masters who traveled about teaching potions. They were friendly and loving, unlike their son, who was cold and bitter. His parents always told him to become more friendly, but he refused. Mr. and Mrs. Snape encouraged his son to study potions and follow their footsteps in being potions masters. He liked potions, but he liked Defense Against the Dark Arts much better, and wanted to do that. His parents disapproved. Severus wasn't really popular, and had four enemies in his school, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin, who referred to themselves as the Marauders. He hated James the most. The only problem was, his parents were very good friends with James' parents, and so Severus found himself stuck with James at times when their parents had their tea. These weren't too bad. He just had to try to survive the duels they had in James' room, where they were supposed to be "playing and having a good time", and tell his mother he had "fun" and James the same.

It was the last day of school. The feast had been delicious, and everyone was packing, getting ready to go on the Hogwarts Express home. Suddenly, a brown owl swooped through the window. Severus recognized this owl as his owl, Perseus. He quickly took the letter off his leg and read it. It was from his parents.

Our Dear Severus - We are very sorry, but we have had an urgent and sudden mission to teach a young amateur at potions. He is willing to pay us 500 galleons if we were to come immediately! This offer was too tempting to just miss! We are terribly sorry, but we need money now do we? You are to stay at James' house for the summer until we come, we're sure you will have much fun with James and his three little friends. The five of you will get along in no time! - Love, Mom and Dad

Severus gave a dry croak as he read the letter. STAY WITH JAMES AND HIS THREE LITTLE FRIENDS? WERE THEY MAD? This would be his worst summer ever. It was going to be a marauder nightmare!

James' owl meanwhile had swooped in his room too.

"Last minute mail, eh?" he muttered. He opened the letter and read it quickly.

Dearest James - We must tell you that, Severus's parents have had an urgent call to Ireland to teach a young amateur potions. He will be staying with us during most of the summer. We hope you and your three friends don't mind a fifth person!! You will all have fun, we are sure of that. - Love, Mom and Dad.

James snorted. Yup, Snivelly was going to have fun all right. He grinned evilly. Time to consult the other marauders. He needn't have looked long when Sirius came stumbling into the room with Remus and Peter behind him.

"Hey Jamesie! Packed yet?"

"Yea, but that's not important, listen..." James explained and showed his fellow pranksters the letter. Sirius grinned evilly, Remus looked amused, and Peter seemed to look surprised. James ignored Peter's look, and said, "You guys know what this means right?"

All three grinned and nodded. "It's gonna be a Marauder nightmare for Snivellus this summer!" Sirius said evilly.

The four got into the Hogwarts Express and found their compartment. In their first year, they had bothered the driver so much that he reserved a compartment just for the Marauders. As they slid the door open, they found someone was already sitting there.

"Lily!" James croaked, his hand flew to his hair.

Sirius managed to suppress a snigger, and Remus raised his eyebrows. Peter watched in suspense, wondering what would happen.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, I couldn't find a compartment, so I said, 'What the heck, I'll just live the train ride with the four stooges."

"Stooges?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"Nevermind Sirius," Lily said quickly, as the Marauders settled into the seats.

Soon the witch with the trolley of food came by. James bought the whole trolley, and the witch refilled it quickly with her wand, clucking disapprovingly at the amount of sugar they would soon be eating, and hurried quickly, not wanting to witness what happened the marauders became sugar high. As the five were laughing and eating and having a good time, the door slid open once again. A boy with greasy, oily black hair stepped in with a bitter frown on his face.

"Just great, Snivellus meets the Stooges." Lily said softly.

"Snivellus," Sirius muttered.

"Hi Snivellus!" James said, "Heard you're staying over with us for the summer."

Severus scowled. "I don't WANT to spend a summer with you! I was forced to!"

"Snape is spending the summer with YOU GUYS?" Lily gasped.

"Oh yes, the horror of all horrors," James replied, staring at Severus nastily.

"But we will make Snivelly's visit enjoyable, right?" Sirius asked James. The four grinned wickedly.

Snape scowled deeper, "I'm sure I'll have fun with you guys," he said in a sarcastic tone.

James smiled - this meant WAR!!!!


	2. The First Night

Marauder Nightmare  
  
JK Rowling's  
  
Chapter 2  
  
The Hogwarts Express rolled back into Kings Cross Station and they exited the barrier. Mrs. Potter was at the gate waving. James led his Moony, Padfoot, and Wormtail to his mom without a second glance at Snivellus. Mrs. Potter welcomed the four and then said, "Where's dear Severus?"  
  
"I dunno," James replied.  
  
"We must wait for him."  
  
"We do?" Sirius muttered.  
  
They needn't have waited long, before the greasy, stingy haired boy came over, struggling with his owl, who wouldn't get in his cage. Mrs. Potter smiled.  
  
"Hello, Severus dear," Mrs. Potter said sweetly.  
  
"Hello Mrs. Potter," Severus muttered.  
  
"Let me help you with your owl, dear."  
  
Severus handed his owl and the cage to Mrs. Potter and she shoved the owl lightly into his cage. It hooted wildly.  
  
"Come now, let us go!"  
  
"James, when are we having a snack? I'm hungry!" Sirius whined.  
  
"You just had 70 chocolate frogs, 32 pumpkin pastries, 44 licorice wands, and 25 cauldron cakes, and you're _hungry_?" Remus exclaimed, and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"You know Sirius, Moony! His three favorite subjects are girls, Quidditch, and FOOD," Prongs laughed.  
  
Mrs. Potter chuckled, "Don't worry Sirius, I have a cauldron full of cauldron cakes at home!"  
  
"FOOD!" Sirius yelled.  
  
The Marauders and Mrs. Potter laughed. Severus followed stiffly behind them, not saying a word. It was easy not to notice him.  
  
The minute Mrs. Potter flung open the door to their home, Sirius sprinted to the kitchen, dropping his trunk on Peter's toe by accident. He immediately found the cauldron full of steaming cauldron cakes. Sirius's eyes lit up and his face pulled into a maniac grin. He stuck his hand in and pulled ten out at once and stuffed them all into his mouth, the taste was heavenly. Mrs. Potter made the best cauldron cakes. The other three Marauders flew into the kitchen to grab some cakes before Sirius sucked them all up. Severus walked upstairs.  
  
"Sevvy dear, do you want some cauldron cakes?" Mrs. Potter called.  
  
"No, thank you," Severus muttered.  
  
"Are you sure dear?"  
  
"Yes, thank you anyway, Mrs. Potter."  
  
"Since when did Snivelly have manners?" Peter whispered.  
  
"Since he's been trying to charm Prongs' mother," Sirius replied, taking another twenty cakes and throwing them in his mouth.  
  
"I'm surprised you stay so thin, when you eat so much sweets," Remus exclaimed, watching crumbs fly from his Sirius's mouth.  
  
"It by spe-bal-ti," Sirius stuttered, finally swallowing the load of cakes, "Ahh, that was good."  
  
James reached into the cauldron and felt around it. There were no more cakes.  
  
"Sirius!"  
  
Sirius grinned sheepishly, "Sorry Prongs."  
  
Mrs. Potter came bustling in, seeing the empty cauldron, she quickly sent it into the sink and the faucet turned on and began rinsing it.  
  
"What would you four like to drink? Pumpkin juice? Butterbeer? Tea? Milk? Coffee? Or a Muggle soda pop?"  
  
"Muggle soda pops? What are soda pops?" Peter asked.  
  
"Their like this fizzy drink. It's actually good. Can I have one Mum?" James asked.  
  
A soda came whizzing to the table. James popped the can off and looked under it.  
  
"Oh drat," he muttered.  
  
"What?" Remus asked.  
  
"I didn't win."  
  
"Win what?" Sirius asked.  
  
"On these soda pop thingys, you can look under the cap to see if you win. If you win, you get some prize," he took a sip, "But the soda is good anyways."  
  
"It looks too fizzy. I think I'll just take a Butterbeer," Remus said.  
  
"I want the soda poppy thing," Peter said.  
  
"Me too," Sirius agreed.  
  
A Butterbeer and two sodas landed on the table. When all drinks were finished, the Marauders flew up the stairs and burst in on poor Sevvy.  
  
"Hi Snivelly! Let's have fun!" James said in a falsely cheery voice.  
  
James had already had his wand out before Snape could move.  
  
"_Engorgio!_" he shouted, and aimed it at Snape's stomach.  
  
In less than two seconds, Severus's stomach was swelling like a balloon. He looked like a pot-belly pig with greasy hair. With a swelling stomach, Severus couldn't lift his wand.  
  
"Look's like dear Sevvy's pregnant!" Sirius teased.  
  
"No, I think he just ate a _little_ too much on the train," Peter replied.  
  
Remus sat on the bed, refusing to take part. Neutrality was his best choice.  
  
"Actually, I just think he swallowed a watermelon seed and now it's growing," James said.  
  
Nobody did anything to help the poor fellow. Until...  
  
"James! Remus! Sirius! Peter! Severus! You have a visitor!"  
  
Peter, James, and Sirius stopped laughing and James quickly muttered the counter spell and his friends and he hurried downstairs, Severus followed, scowling nastily. At the door, stood a moderately tall sort of person. He had red hair and freckles.  
  
"Oh hi Arthur!" Remus said kindly.  
  
"Who?" Sirius asked.  
  
"I'm Arthur Weasley. I'm in Gryffindor too, remember?"  
  
"Oh yea! Hey!" James said.  
  
"I just moved here, and wanted to say hi to my classmates. We have _plugs_ in our house! My parents bought a _Muggle _house! So there's plugs! There's also a _fellytone_! Isn't it _wonderful_? I've always wanted to see what a Muggle house was like! You should come by sometime! It's so _fascinating_! And I found some Muggle_ money_ in a corner! It's so cool! Well, I have to go home now, Mum wants me to pick my room. Drop by sometime, ok James?"  
  
"Will do," James replied.  
  
Arthur hopped back to his house across the street.  
  
"I always thought the guy was a little weird," Sirius said, shaking his head.  
  
"We better get back upstairs," Remus said quietly.  
  
"Yea, good idea Moony, we have a lot of plans with Snivelly," James agreed.  
  
They were almost at the door of James' room, when a low voice snarled –  
  
"_Pertrificus totalus!_"  
  
James' arms snapped to his side and his legs snapped together. His face froze and he fell over. Sirius brandished his wand and quickly said the counter spell, then aimed his wand at Severus – "_Rictusempra!_" Snape fell over, laughing so hard. He was a very ticklish guy. He rolled on the floor laughing and trying to avoid the tickles the spell was doing. He was finally able to cry the counter spell and aim a spell at Sirius. "_Furnunculus!_ " Boils spread all over Sirius's face. Meanwhile, Remus had slipped quietly downstairs, not wanting to witness the duel. Together, Sirius still having boils growing all over his skin, James and Sirius shouted, "_Incendio!_" Snape's clothes caught on fire. The Marauders laughed. It was a funny sight, watching him jump up and down, using his wand to spill water over them. When the flames had finally been emitted, Mrs. Potter had called them to dinner. Everyone stuck their wands quickly in their pockets and hurried downstairs.  
  
There was a giant plate of sandwiches on the table, along with five goblets and bottles of soda pop, Butterbeer, Pumpkin Juice, and tea.  
  
"Where's Mr. Potter?" Peter asked.  
  
"He's working late at the Ministry today, trying to figure out whether that child – I think Lucius Malfoy was he? Trying to figure out whether the boy's father is a Death Eater. Now, what would you five like to drink?"  
  
"Can we have Firewhisky, Mum?"James asked.  
  
"Of course not!" Mrs. Potter cried, "Only the adult wizards and witches may touch that!"  
  
James grinned wickedly.  
  
"No James, I hid it in a new place!"  
  
The look on James' face disappeared and he helped himself to a sandwich, while Sirius stacked 20 on top of each other and swallowed them whole. What with Sirius eating 20 at once, the plate was gone in a matter of seconds. Luckily, the plate was a refilling plate, so it kept refilling itself.  
  
When all drinks had been served, Mrs. Potter tried to start a conversation.  
  
"I did hear an awful lot of shouting and screaming upstairs, what in the world are you five doing?" Mrs. Potter asked them.  
  
James threw Severus a glare. Severus knew that, he could always tell Mrs. Potter what happened, and James and his friends would get in deep trouble, but that would only prove he was a coward, and they'd be more unbearable. He would settle them some way else.  
  
"Oh, we were practicing some spells," James said casually.  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows, and Peter quickly stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. Severus chugged his glass of Pumpkin Juice to keep from spilling. James and Sirius just kept eating as if nothing was wrong. Eventually, the subject changed.  
  
"I heard that Arthur Weasley, who's in your house, just moved across the street. Was he the one who came to visit?"  
  
"Oh yea," Sirius said dully.  
  
"He's a little strange, isn't he?"  
  
"He loves Muggles and their stuff, he collects plugs," Peter exclaimed.  
  
"He's the most disrespectful pure-blood there is!" Severus snarled, "Loving Muggles."  
  
There was an awkward silence following. Mrs. Potter seemed to want to say something in Muggles' defense, but she stopped, not wanting to anger her best friend's child. James and Sirius threw Snape an evil glare, and Remus looked away. Peter picked at his sandwich, he was a half-blood after all.  
  
"Erm, I think I'm done," James said.  
  
"Yea, me too," Peter agreed.  
  
"Me three," Remus replied.  
  
Severus stood up without a word.  
  
Only Mrs. Potter and Sirius were still sitting at the table.  
  
"Oy! Am I the only one who's still hungry?" Sirius asked.  
  
He grabbed the plate and dumped the rest of its contents into his mouth, took a swig of soda pop, and let out a big belch.  
  
"Ah, that felt good. Ok, I'm full now too!" Sirius said cheerfully, and jumped up.  
  
"Vacuum!" Remus teased.  
  
Sirius ignored the comment and turned to Mrs. Potter.  
  
"When's dessert?" he asked.  
  
The other three Marauders groaned.

Ok, ok, I know this chapter was sort of boring! I'm really sorry! I'll make it better the next few chapters!!!! PLEASE REVIEW! The more reviews, the more I write, because then I KNOW people are reading it, and I'm not writing for nothing. Thanks to all 6 reviewers! Luv ya'll! Here's my replies:  
  
Padfoot: Yea, well, this is sort of in the point of Snapey and sort of in the point of the Marauders, so you might have some insulting from both sides. DON'T KILL ME!  
  
Evil Bellatrix Lestrange: Haha! See what happens to Snapey!  
  
Kyra Invictus Black: Thank you for the advice. I'll be sure to keep that in mind (. Maybe they will go on a road trip, I dunno.  
  
aihjah: Thanks for your praises! We'll see what happens to Snapey, I'll send him your sympathy though! And don't worry, the Marauders won't be too bad, they're my heroes too (  
  
Electron Chan: Thanks for the praises! Don't worry, Snapey won't have too much of a hard time, I'll send him your sympathy along with aijah's.  
  
Fanasy: Thanks for the praises! 


	3. The Mall and the Goth Girl

Marauder Nightmare  
  
JK Rowling's  
  
Chapter 3  
  
I hope you like the fact that I update as soon as possible unlike my fellow partner Padfoot... anyway, I do it 'cuz it's fun to update. I LOVE writing these things and getting reviews. It makes me feel like a writer! And if you read my bio I'd like to be an author/journalist when I get out of college. Enjoy chappie 3! – Moony  
  
Severus didn't dare sleep. Not if it was in James' house at the least, you never knew what could happen in your sleep when you were staying with the Marauders. You could wake up with blue hair, or a goatee, or lipstick on your eyelids. It was good to be cautious. Besides, Severus could never sleep in James' stuff! Ugh. That would be revolting.  
  
Back in James' room...  
  
Sirius was bouncing on James' bed wildly in his underwear, screaming happily. Apparently the Muggle soda pop had made him hyper (luckily, it was a Coke instead of a Mountain Dew). James was bouncing with him, and Wormtail was sitting on his sleeping bag. Remus, as usual, was sitting at James' desk, working on their potions essay.  
  
"Will you PLEASE stop being hyper Sirius, James? I think that Muggle soda pop had some effect on your minds!"  
  
"Yea, I think that there was caffeine or sugar in it or something, 'cuz I feel WIDE AWAKE!" he bounced high and crashed onto the floor.  
  
Mrs. Potter below neither did anything, nor cared. She had tried the first time to calm the boys down – she really didn't want to mention what happened.  
  
Remus sighed rolled his eyes. Sirius sighed heavily. Someday he would show Moony the joys of being sugar high (A/N: That's another story, please see When Padfoot Talks Moony Into Being SugarHigh).  
  
"It's good if you feel wide awake," Peter said.  
  
"Why?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Because you'll need it. You do realize we won't be sleeping tonight, what with Snivellus out to get us? Imagine what would happen!" James explained.  
  
"Hey! I have a plan!" Sirius said.  
  
He quickly called the Marauders over and explained. Remus, the goody-two- shoes, decided not to take part and said, "I am remaining here, where it's safe."  
  
"Ok Moony. You're gonna end up prefect someday, you know," James said.  
  
"Oh the shame! A Marauder – prefect!" Sirius gasped.  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
His three "friends" looked at him with pleading eyes. He sighed and threw his quill aside.  
  
"Oh fine, oh fine! The idea does seem fun anyway."  
  
Sirus cheered, "I always knew you had some Marauder blood inside you!"  
  
They grabbed James' invisibility cloak and set off to the room where Severus was staying. The four had entered his room when –  
  
"OW! Sirius you stepped on my foot!"  
  
"Shut up, Peter you prat!"  
  
"You BOTH shut up!"  
  
"Oh drat! He's looking our way!"  
  
"Run!"  
  
"No! I'll just do a memory charm!"  
  
"Quick!"  
  
"He's coming!"  
  
"Hurry up Moony!"  
  
"Forget the charm! Just run!"  
  
"No it's easier this way!"  
  
"RUN!"  
  
"JUST LET ME DO THE CHARM!"  
  
"You don't know how to do one!"  
  
"Yes I do!"  
  
"Um guys..."  
  
"Ok, ok I'll do the charm! Ready..."  
  
Remus never got around to doing it because Snape had already suspected what was going on and took advantage of it.  
  
"Densaugeo!" "Protego!" "NOW RUN!"  
  
The four took off. The invisibility cloak fell as they ran (they were pretty fast runners) but James just dragged it behind them, as they were back in the safety of James' room.  
  
"That was demented!" James cried.  
  
"I agree," Remus agreed.  
  
"Yea, well it would have worked if Peter didn't have to scream that I stepped on his foot," Sirius added.  
  
"Don't blame it on me! It hurt really bad! It was the toe that you dropped your trunk on!"  
  
"I dropped my trunk on your toe?"  
  
"In search of food, yea," Remus said.  
  
"We're gonna have to try again some other time. He'll already suspect us," James sighed.  
  
"And it's gonna go right," Sirius said.  
  
"I hope."  
  
The next morning, the five kids stumbled into the kitchen, yawning.  
  
"Hello James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Severus!" Mr. Potter said.  
  
"Hey Dad," James yawned.  
  
"What would you five like? Toast? Cereal? Oatmeal? Eggs? Bacon?" Mrs. Potter asked, as they took their seats.  
  
"Just, just toast thanks," James yawned.  
  
"I'll take all five!" Sirius said brightly (the caffeine was still having its effect).  
  
"Cereal," Remus said and buried his head into his hands.  
  
"Toast," Peter replied.  
  
Mrs. Potter waited for an answer from Severus who just sat at the table scowling.  
  
"And you Severus dear?" Mrs. Potter asked.  
  
"Toast," he growled.  
  
"Can I – can I have that green soda pop Mum? I think it was called a Dewy Mountain or something? I know it has a lot of caffeine in it, and I need it."  
  
"Sure dear."  
  
"I WANT SOME TOO!" Sirius shouted, "CAFFEINE! I NEED CAFFEINE!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" his three friends screamed in unison.  
  
Mr. Potter laughed.  
  
Sirius sulked, "What's wrong with me having some caffeine?"  
  
"Hyper, does that give you a clue?" Remus asked.  
  
"What's wrong with me being hyper?"  
  
"I wonder."  
  
Mrs. Potter sent a Sprite to Sirius, "You can have that instead."  
  
After all drinks and foods had been served, they began to eat.  
  
"So, what're your plans for the day?" Mr. Potter asked.  
  
"I think we should go to the mall!" Sirius suggested, "Cute girls are always at the mall during summer! There's even Goths!!"  
  
"You know, that's a good idea."  
  
"What's a mall?" Peter asked.  
  
"It's like this big building with a bunch of shops selling Muggle stuff. We mainly go there girl-spying, not to buy," James explained.  
  
"Sounds nice," Remus said.  
  
"Yes, I suppose that's a good idea. You should get out of the house anyway," Mrs. Potter said.  
  
So after breakfast the Marauders and Severus took a trolley to the mall. Severus had been forced to tag along by Mrs. Potter. When they reached it, Sirius hopped off, already spying a nice-looking girl.  
  
"Look at her!" he said, pointing.  
  
The girl stared at Sirius and quickly ran off.  
  
"Hey!" Sirius cried, disappointed.  
  
"It's ok Siri, there are much more girls inside the mall."  
  
As they set foot in the mall, Sirius found yet, another girl.  
  
"She's cute!" he said.  
  
The girl was indeed "cute". (A/N: Stupidity of boys when it comes to girls, lol) She had wavy blonde hair and light green eyes and was wearing a pink t- shirt and shorts. She was pretty slim too.  
  
"Hi!" Sirius said, "My name's Sirius."  
  
"Um hi. I'm Shayna."  
  
"You're cute." (A/N: lol)  
  
"Um... right, um... hey Trudy! Wait up!" the girl, Shayna, called and ran after her other friend.  
  
"Her friend's cute too."  
  
"Sirius, you're gonna scare away all the girls before we even get to talk to them!"  
  
"I talked to Shayna!"  
  
James rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hey! Look! It's a cute Goth!" Sirius cried, "HI!"  
  
The girl turned around and looked at Sirius with disgust. Her eyes flickered to James – even worse, then Remus – goody-two-shoes, then Peter – the clumsy dude. She almost walked away, until she saw Severus. Now he was a possibility. His stingy black hair, pale face, black clothes – yes, he was a chance. What a cutie! She quickly turned to Severus.  
  
"Oy! I'm the one you want! Not Snivelly!"  
  
The girl gave Sirius and glare and giggled as she pulled Severus with her towards the food court.  
  
"There goes our girl," James said, "How come Snivelly gets the girl?"  
  
"Because apparently he looks like a Goth and is cute in that girl's eyes."  
  
"How come I'm not?"  
  
"Careful now, if you head swells up too much, you'll be too heavy to get on your broom."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Stupid idiots! We're arguing here when we could be spying on Snapey and that girl!" Remus said.  
  
"Oh yea! Moony has a point there."  
  
"I always have a point."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
The four grabbed James' invisibility cloak and followed in the direction Snape and the girl were going. The girl was giggling and babbling and fluttering her eyelashes.  
  
"Lucky duck!" Sirius snarled.  
  
"Shh!"  
  
Snape and the girl turned round the corner and they stopped in a shop that was full of girls' accessories. Snape stood outside.  
  
"Come on! Come on! It'll be fun in this store!" the girl repeatedly beckoned.  
  
"I'll just wait outside, thanks."  
  
"Oh please! It's not like any boys from your school are gonna be here!"  
  
"Well they might."  
  
"What school do you go to anyway?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Oh never mind, please come on in, Sevvy?"  
  
"Severus."  
  
"Come in Severus, please?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Oh fine, we'll go to that clothes shop then. They have a whole section just for Goths like us! We can both go there!"  
  
"I'm not – "  
  
But the girl had already pulled him away.  
  
"Argh! I've had enough!"  
  
Sirius pulled off the cloak and sprinted after the pair.  
  
"HEY! WAIT! SIRIUS! NO!" James yelled.  
  
But Sirius had much longer legs he caught up with Severus and yanked him away. He quickly took his previous spot. The girl yanked her arm away from Sirius's.  
  
"I don't want you!"  
  
"Why not babe?"  
  
"You're revolting."  
  
"And you're cute."  
  
"This is pathetic."  
  
"Sevvy! Sevvy! Help me!"  
  
Severus scrambled over.  
  
"She's my girl!" he snarled.  
  
"Mine! I'm cuter than you'd ever be!"  
  
"Ya, well obviously, you can see she likes me!"  
  
Sirius shoved Snape into a nearby school store. Snape snarled and pushed him back. Sirius growled and gave him a punch, and Snape slammed him into a shelf full of men's shoes. The shoes came tumbling upon Sirius.  
  
"Oy! Stop the fighting!" the shopkeeper yelled.  
  
The shoppers trying on shoes in the shop quickly ran for the nearest exit. The shopkeeper quickly pushed the emergency button and a police officer came into the shop. By this time, Severus was sporting a bloody nose and Sirius's lip was bleeding. James had been chanting, "GO SIRIUS! GO, GO, GO SIRIUS!" Remus had been trying to pull Sirius from the pile of shoes and pull him from the fight ("Grow up James!") and Peter was sitting, not sure what to do. The shoe store was a mess. The girl had left long ago. The officer looked very confused. Their eyes flickered from the shopkeeper, to the mess on the floor, to Sirius, to Snape, to James, who was still chanting, to Remus, and then to Peter.  
  
"Well, I'll just give you a warning. But next time you will be kicked out of this mall. Now, your job is to clean this store up, and make sure you do it nicely. Shelves must be fixed by next week. That's all. I want to see no more fighting from you two in this mall again."  
  
"YES SIR!" Sirius shouted, and saluted him.  
  
The officer left the shop quickly, questioning Sirius's sanity and shook his head, "Crazy people."  
  
The shopkeeper left the shop, leaving the five to clean up the mess. He closed his shop and told them to leave through the back door when they were done. Sirius brandished his wand and quickly muttered, "Reparo!" to fix the shelves. Severus quickly flew the shoes back on their place on the shelves and they left. The shopkeeper was still milling around outside when the five walked out. He gave them a mingled look of curiosity and suspiscion.  
  
"You're done already?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"That fast?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"It's the truth."  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"Check yourself."  
  
"I will do just that."  
  
The shopkeeper went to have a look and saw, to his dismay, everything in the same place and as clean as it had been before the vandalists had come in his shop. How did they manage to do it so fast? There was something different about them. He just wondered what. 


	4. The Road Trip

Marauder Nightmare  
  
JK's  
  
I want to take a little bit of space to thank my wonderful reviewers who motivate me! Thank you!!! The only way I can thank you, is updating this chapter!!! –Moony  
  
Chapter 4  
  
When Sirius came in with his lips looking like he had just put on lipstick and Severus's nose bleeding uncontrollably, Mr. Potter raised his eyebrows, and looked as if he wanted to ask what happened, but decided that he really didn't want to know.  
  
Mrs. Potter brewed a potion to fix their problems (she was quite talented at potions, having taken lessons from Mrs. Snape), and sent them upstairs. Severus, of course, made a turn into his room to be alone, and the Marauders went into James' room to be stupid.  
  
"What do you reckon we do next?" James asked. He was sprawled on Remus's sleeping bag. Remus was sitting at the desk, scribbling away at a new essay, Professor Binns' essay.  
  
"I dunno," Sirius answered, he looked over at Remus, the sound of his quill scratching madly against parchment, "Don't you ever stop?" he asked.  
  
Remus looked up.  
  
"Well, if I get this stuff done, I'll have more time to have fun without having the guild hang over my back."  
  
"Why don't you just do it on the train? It's something to keep you busy."  
  
"I don't like to do things at the last minute."  
  
"Sheesh."  
  
"Maybe we could ask your mum if we could take a road trip," Peter suggested.  
  
"What's a road trip?" Sirius asked.  
  
"It's like you get in a car and drive to somewhere."  
  
"That sounds really stupid."  
  
"Not if we have some er – 'fun'," James said evilly.  
  
"First we have to ask Prongs' mum," Remus said.  
  
"I'm sure Mum'll agree, I mean, she let us go to the mall to girl-spy," James said.  
  
"Let's ask now!!" Sirius cried, planning to sneak a Dewy Mountain out of the fridge as the other three friends were discussing the road trip with Mrs. P.  
  
So the four tramped downstairs, where Mrs. Potter was getting ready for dinner.  
  
"Mum!" James yelled.  
  
"Yes dear?"  
  
"We want to go on a road trip, with Severus," James said, winking at his friends.  
  
"A road trip dear?"  
  
"Yea."  
  
"How long are you expecting to go on this trip?"  
  
"Er – two nights and three days."  
  
"And where are you planning to drive?"  
  
"London maybe, or Oxford or wherever."  
  
"Are you sure you can manage a car dear?"  
  
"Yea, I've driven one before."  
  
"Well, if it's all right with your father."  
  
James gave a small whoop as Sirius gave a mental whoop (he had just successfully stolen a Dewy Mountain). His father, as usual, gave in. So, two days later (Sirius was still MAD from his Dewy Mountain) they were in a red car with James driving. He was moving at a nice speed at first, not breaking the speed limit, when Sirius yawned and said, "This is BORING."  
  
James grinned, "Put the pedal to the metal!"  
  
He slammed his foot on the accelerator and the car zoomed forward, it was a magic car though, so all the other cars jumped aside.  
  
"OY! STOP THE CAR!" Remus screamed.  
  
"Sure thing, Moony!" James yelled.  
  
He slammed the break – but it didn't stop. It broke instead.  
  
"STOP THE CAR I SAID!" Remus screamed.  
  
"There's no break! I broke the break!"  
  
"Gimme a break," Remus muttered.  
  
So the car was just zooming down the road at 100 mph when all of a sudden – there was a broken bridge. A sign said – "Beware! Broken Bridge! Do not cross."  
  
"JAMES! TURN THE CAR!!!!" Sirius screamed.  
  
Too late.  
  
The car went flying and landed in the lake below. Unfortunately, there was a hornet nest where they landed.  
  
"OW! OW! THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME!!!!!!!!! FLY THE CAR!!!" Peter screamed.  
  
James pulled the lever that flew the car and it rose straight up – "FULL SPEED AHEAD CAPTAIN!" Remus yelled.  
  
The car once again tried to speed up, but – POP. The engine died.  
  
"Uh-oh," James muttered.  
  
The car fell down again at top speed, the hornets following, stings raised.  
  
"STUPEFY!" Remus yelled.  
  
The hornets stopped in midair as the car holding four marauders and an extra fell down.  
  
"Some road trip," Remus muttered.  
  
Everyone was covered in hornet stings, soggy, and hair messed up.  
  
"How do we fix the car?" James asked.  
  
"Reparo!" Remus muttered.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"I don't think the repairing spell works on this car," Sirius said.  
  
"Well what do we do?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"We have to push the car to a car fixing place," Peter said.  
  
"I don't have Muggle money to pay for that!" James cried.  
  
"I have pocket money!" Peter said.  
  
"Would that be enough?"  
  
"It should be, and if it's not – I nicked my mum's checkbook."  
  
"Smart."  
  
"There's just one problem," Remus added.  
  
"What's that?" Sirius asked.  
  
"How are we going to push the car out of this water ditch?!"  
  
"Good point," James replied.  
  
All this while, Severus sat around, silent, lips pursed.  
  
"You know Sevvy, you should help us?" James asked, as they tried lifting the car.  
  
"It's not my fault you stooges had to go and get the car blasted up."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"Maybe the grease of your hair bothered me and I broke the break."  
  
"That's a pathetic reason."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"At least I'm not as pathetic as you!"  
  
"Yea, so I'm pathetic?"  
  
"Er – yea, that sounds about right."  
  
"Oh my god James! Don't you ever shut up?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" Remus cried at last.  
  
The car flew up.  
  
"Good idea!" Peter said, "Now how do we get up?"  
  
"Are you mad?"  
  
Crack James disappeared.  
  
"Oh yea! I forgot that I passed my apparition test!" (A/N: Ok, in ther time, they get their liscenes early, ok?)  
  
Crack Crack Crack  
  
They rest of the Marauders disappeared and landed near the car.  
  
"Ok, let's make things easier than pushing it," Remus said.  
  
He tapped the car and it disappeared.  
  
"Whoa! How'd you do that?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Disillusionment charm, now Locomotor car!" Remus replied.  
  
The Invisible Car now followed them as they walked to the nearest car repairment place. They could've apparated, but how would the car follow? Besides, the car repairman would probably freak out if they appeared out of thin air, and they would be breaking one or two of the decrees.  
  
Once they had the car fixed, James tried to jump into the driving seat, but Sirius was already there – with a Dewy Mountain in his hand. Peter gave a dry croak, Remus coughed, and James tried unsuccessfully to summon the bottle to his hand. But Sirius was already pouring the fizzy soda down his throat.  
  
"Oh, that was good," he said. And then his eyes lit up maniacally. He jumped on the top of the back of the car and began to sing Christmas carols in June.  
  
"YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! YOU BETTER NOT CRY! YOU BETTER NOT SHOUT! I'M TELLIN' YOU WHY! VOLDY-POO IS COMING TO TOWN!!"  
  
The Muggles looked at Sirius curiously, who was now in his Bludger patterned boxers. Remus kicked James out of the driving seat – they needed to do something drastic – and fast. He slammed the accelerator once more, not going to fast, not too slow either. Fast enough to knock Sirius off the back of the car though.  
  
"OY!" he yelled.  
  
Trying to hold his boxers to his pants, he raced after the car.  
  
"WAIT!"  
  
"Aw, let the poor guy back on," James said.  
  
"Fine," Remus sighed.  
  
He stopped the car to the side, and Sirius climbed back in, grinning madly. Not wanting to fall off the car again, he resolved to jumping on the backseat.  
  
"UPSIDE-DOWN! BOUNCIN' UP THE CEELING! INSIDE OUT! – "  
  
"SHUT UP SIRIUS!" Remus bellowed.  
  
"NO!" Sirius screamed back.  
  
"PRONGS MAKE HIM SHUT UP!" Peter yelled.  
  
While the shouting match was going on, James had freezing cold pear in Sirius's mouth and threw his Dewy Mountain out the window.  
  
"How's that supposed to make him shut up?" Remus asked.  
  
"Watch!" James said happily.  
  
Sirius was trying to speak, but with the pear, it was impossible to move his lips.  
  
"Oph oph. Argh. Oph. Oph."  
  
And so Sirius tried to bite the thing that was keeping him quiet. But it was a freezing cold pear too, so it practically froze his teeth off.  
  
"That should keep him quiet for a while," James laughed.  
  
"I hope."  
  
"Oph, oph. Argh. Oph. Oph."  
  
The Marauders laughed.  
  
"You know, Snape's been pretty quiet," Peter said  
  
"Is there something unusual about that?" James asked sarcastically.  
  
"Well, I thought you should notice – we left him in the ditch!" Peter said.  
  
"Oh crap, he didn't get his apparating liscence yet?"  
  
"Apparently not."  
  
"Do we have to get him?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"No."  
  
"Let's collect him on our way back to James' house."  
  
"Sounds like a good plan to me!"  
  
"A Snivellus-free road trip!!! Yay!"  
  
Ok, I changed Chapter 4 a bit, so that it relates more to the topic than just a crazy bizzarre event happening over the summer. Hope you like it! – Moony 


	5. In the Ditch

Marauder Nightmare  
  
Chapter 5  
  
JK's  
  
What keeps me going and going and going and going? REVIEWS!!! Charge me up! – Moony  
  
Snape was sitting on the dirt, gritting his teeth. Those stupid idiots forgot that he couldn't apparate – or did they leave him on purpose? They probably did. He shivered. The hornets were starting to move again, the spell was wearing off. He didn't really like hornets. He had had bad incidents with them when he was younger.  
  
Flashback...  
  
"Severus, we're at the Potters' house!"  
  
It was Snape's first visit, and he was hoping this wonderful James his mum was talking about was really all that fun. He couldn't wait to meet him. Snape scrambled out of the car.  
  
A skinny boy with jet black hair and hazel eyes walked out with his mother. He had good looks. His hair stuck up in the back messily and his limbs were thin. His face was strong and handsome. Severus thought it would be nice to make friends with a guy like this. This was probably the famous James Potter.  
  
"Debbie!"  
  
"Derri!"  
  
The two mothers hugged.  
  
"I'm James."  
  
"Severus."  
  
The two boys stared at each other, and James finally said, "Why is your hair so greasy?"  
  
"It's not greasy!"  
  
"Yes it is! Do you use shampoo?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Conditioner?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"Then why is your hair greasy?"  
  
"It's not!"  
  
"Why do you look like a vampire?"  
  
"I don't!"  
  
"Yes you do!"  
  
"I don't!"  
  
"Yes you do!"  
  
"Vampires aren't pure-bloods, why would I be one?"  
  
"Oh, so you're in the pure-blood mania?"  
  
Somehow, this James didn't seem too happy about it.  
  
"Duh, who wouldn't be?"  
  
"Me."  
  
"You're not a pure-blood?"  
  
"Yes I am!"  
  
"All pure-bloods know it's stupid to mix with half or mud-bloods!"  
  
"No, not really."  
  
"Then you're a disrespectful pure-blood!"  
  
"Oh am I?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Where do you learn all this stuff!"  
  
"From my pure-blood friends!"  
  
"You have only pure-blood friends?"  
  
"Yea... it's stupid to make friends with mudbloods or half-bloods."  
  
"No it isn't."  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"You're going to be a Slytherin."  
  
"Thank you," Severus said, quite surprised at the compliment.  
  
"That's not a compliment to be in Slytherin, you know."  
  
"Yes it is! Slytherin's the best house!"  
  
"Gryffindor is!"  
  
"Gryffindor's the worst!"  
  
"Slytherin!"  
  
"Gryffindor!"  
  
"Slytherin!"  
  
"Gryffindor!"  
  
"Slytherin!"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
Severus couldn't understand, why didn't this amazing pure-blood his mother talked about so much, want to be in Slytherin? He wanted to be in Gryffindor, and Gryffindor was easily the worst house! This James wasn't really a good person to be associated with.  
  
"All Slytherins are nasty."  
  
"No they aren't!"  
  
"Yes they are!"  
  
"No they aren't!"  
  
"Yes they are, you are one. And you're nasty!"  
  
"I'm not nasty!"  
  
"You have greasy hair!"  
  
"IT'S NOT GREASY!"  
  
"Yes it is!"  
  
"At least I'm in Slytherin with greasy hair rather than Gryffindor with none!"  
  
"Slytherins are evil!"  
  
"No they aren't!"  
  
"Whoever denies the fact Slytherins are evil are evil! You shall pay! HORNET ATTACK!!!!"  
  
It was then a swarm of hornets came down upon Severus, stinging him nastily. Not only that, he found that he had some allergic reaction to the stings, because he was swelling. It wasn't a pretty sight, and very painful.  
  
The mothers had long went inside, and so James quickly pulled Severus in.  
  
"Mum! Severus ran into a hive of hornets!"  
  
Severus had made to object, what really happened, but James stopped him, "Tell what really happened, that proves you're a coward." Severus didn't want to be seen as a coward, so he kept his mouth shut. It was painful to speak anyway. His whole body was on fire.  
  
Mrs. Potter stood up immediately.  
  
"Oh dear!"  
  
"Severus has a reaction to hornet stings!" Mrs. Snape cried.  
  
"Were you playing Quidditch?" Mrs. Potter asked.  
  
James nodded innocently.  
  
"Severus ran into that hornet nest in that willow tree."  
  
"Oh dear, I've been trying to get rid of them, it isn't working though. I am so sorry Derri dear!"  
  
"It's all right Debbie," Mrs. Snape brought out a jar of a purplish looking potion and forced it down Severus's throat, who coughed and gagged at the disgusting taste.  
  
But it did the trick, the stings immediately shrunk to their normal size.  
  
"I think we'd better be going now, he still needs a little more potions that are at home."  
  
"All right! Do come visit again, Derri!"  
  
"I will keep that in mind! Good-bye Debbie!"  
  
"Good-bye Derri!"  
  
And so Severus left with his mother, his limbs still throbbing a bit, but nevertheless it was much better – or so he thought, because the next day, he was in high fever, had a terrible stomachache, headache, and had bumps all over his skin. It was a painful day.  
  
And now the hornets were getting closer. Severus clutched his wand tightly.  
  
"St-st-stupefy," he whimpered.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Stupefy," he said, with more confidence.  
  
The hornets stopped, but it would only be a matter of seconds before the spell wore off, he hadn't said it very strongly. Severus frantically tried to look for a way out. He looked at the broken bridge hanging from the cliff. Perhaps he could grab it and maybe, try to swing himself up? What was he kidding, he was too heavy, and the bridge was way to high, how in the world was he supposed to reach it? The hornets were beginning to stir... he took a deep breath – and started to climb up. He figured if he got high enough, maybe, he would be able to swing up. It was a dull hope, but it was better than nothing – right?  
  
Crash  
  
Severus came tumbling down – and the stunning spell was off. Bones aching, Severus didn't notice them getting closer and closer.  
  
"OW!!! OW!!! OW!!!"  
  
He screamed with horror. He needed to get to his wand, needed to mutter the spell.  
  
"Stu-YOUCH! Stu-YOUCH! Stupe-YOUCH! Stupef-YOUCH! STUPEFY!"  
  
And now his whole body was shaking madly and his limbs were aching. The hornets were over, surely someone would have heard his pitiful screams! He peered up. He saw a face peeking into the ditch. It looked oddly familiar.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Lucius!"  
  
Severus cried gratefully, happy to see a familiar face. He had never really liked Lucius, but he was someone who could help.  
  
"What are you doing down there?"  
  
"It's a long story, but can you help me out?"  
  
"Er – "  
  
Snape sighed. Just like Lucius.  
  
"C'mon, all you gotta do is say Wingardium Leviosa."  
  
"Father's waiting for me."  
  
"Lucius!"  
  
"Oh all right, all right, but if I get in trouble, it's going to be your fault. You look in an awful mess anyway."  
  
Severus was lifted up, and Lucius left without a word.  
  
Now, where to go? Severus knew he needed to get back in the car with the stupid idiots, because if he walked home alone, the Potters would freak. He had no idea where to begin either. Um... he rummaged around, trying to find the resources he needed. His hand felt parchment. He realized this was the parchment his dad had bewitched years ago to locate where people were, because he often had to go away on trips and find the people he needed fast. He had a new device now, and he had just let Severus play around with the parchment. Maybe he did have some luck.  
  
"James Potter," Severus muttered.  
  
Ink began swirling around the parchment, forming cities and roads, rivers and oceans. A dot that was labeled "J.P." was moving down a line that looked like a road. Severus squinted and saw it was in Surrey, Number 4, Privet Drive. He had never heard of the place, but he needed to get in that car. So he took to running down the road. It was very tiring, and Severus had never really been the athletic type. The knight bus came blundering down during the night and Severus used his spare Galleons to get to Surrey. The Marauders looked delighted to see him – not. That was no matter, because James then decided to open the door to that house, Number 4. 


End file.
